Something New... again.

I was just going to ignore this video because... ugh, I am not in the mood for yet another rant about Black women not being able to find a partner. Not only have I heard it all before (and agree with a good portion of it), but, since no one is offering any useful solutions to the problem, my patience has worn beyond thin. Also, when I heard that Steve Harvey was acting as "expert" in this clip... hell nah!

Unfortunately, since I spend way too much time on the internet, I've been coming across this video at every turn. And that is annoying. So to hopefully exorcise this demon let me share my thoughts...

But first, the clip:



Ok, first, and most inconsequentially, how weird were those Black figure things to represent all Black men? Awkward. :-/

But seriously, there was so little new in this clip that I could have written this post without it. Or maybe I already wrote it when Something New came out and everybody and they mama had the conversation about the 42.4% (Did the statistics change? Is it now an even 42%? SUCCESS!). Whatever.

So seriously, what the fuck is going on here? Oh yea... the same thing that's been going on for the past decade or so:

A lot of Black women have never been married (and may never get married).
There aren't enough good Black men.
You could try a white man, but you'd obviously prefer a Black man.
I'm successful and fine, I just don't get it.
blahblahblah

It's the same story that every Black woman I know, including myself, has at one time or other recited with varying levels of annoyance/anger/heartache.

But what all of the stories on this topic lack are solutions. Tell me something I can use or keep it moving.

So maybe I should be happy because the piece above tried to offer some... I just thought they were dumb. Let me explain:

"Black women don't have to settle, but they may need to compromise."

I've heard this a number of times, but I was possibly most irritated here because Steve Harvey couldn't offer anything more than petty examples of Black women's standards being too high; money, education. These have been the big two in the attempt to explain the numbers of highly educated Black single women. But I'm starting to believe that they're possibly the least important. For instance, children. How many relationships have broken up because the two people had different ideas about children (when to have kids, how many, being financially able to support them, children from previous relationships)? It seems that finding a partner who had the same ideas about family would be slightly more important than his level of education. Or what about geography. If your high-powered job is on the East Coast and his is in the South, will you commute? Can you afford to commute? Is that the kind of life you want to live? Again, when and how should Black women compromise on these issues Mr. Harvey?

"Go for the older man."

That's the best advice you have Steve Harvey?... MASSIVE FAIL! What.The.Fuck? No seriously, how does this operate as a solution? Let's go back to the question of children. I'm 26 and if I decide to have biological children with a man I want someone who will be a partner. I don't want a man who will be so old (no offense, seriously) that he can't play with us at the park, can't take turns getting up at all hours of the night to feed/change/rock a crying baby etc. And this I am not willing to compromise on, because if I have a child with someone too old to really be a parent the same way that I would want to, why have children with someone else at all if I'd essentially be a single parent? That makes no sense. So, no Steve, that is not a real solution.

"It's not that they can't find someone to date, the issue is exclusivity."

This, I think, was the most interesting discussion of the whole piece (7 mins... really!?). It's interesting to think that there are women out there who are doing "all of the right things": dating, making themselves available, "keeping themselves up" (whatever the fuck that means) but they still can't get a ring. The women in the video talked about the "backpocket woman" (the one men save for later when they're ready to stop whoring around). This is so beyond trifling it hurts. And how annoying would that be if a man had the nerve to call you every few years just to make sure "you're still single... waiting for me." GAG!

With that sad I'm beginning to wonder (this is obvious sarcasm) that maybe people should start doing stories on (Black) men who don't want to settle down (with Black women). Seriously. Maybe it's time we stopped blaming Black women for being single and start really, critically, thinking about what leads to those circumstances.

"I would love to be in a relationship, a marriage... but I don't feel that that defines me."

And maybe, just maybe, we should stop equating women's happiness (regardless of race) with the presence of a man in their lives. Maybe, just maybe, there are a boatload of women who are just happy single and will be just fine if they never get married. And maybe, just maybe, there are lots of women who never want to get married at all. In that case, maybe we should stop fucking up those women's days by making them another kind of stereotypical statistic.

Stop... think about it.

*P.S.- Check out The Black Snob's discussion of the same clip here. 
*P.S.S.- I really am still thinking about a post on interracial relationships, but I've been swamped. C'est la vie...

...a Black girl with no ass?!... *update

So I'll admit it ::shamefaced:: I'm a black girl with no ass.

Like none... Hips (yea). Breasts (yessir). Ass (not so much).

It's a sore spot. I've considered talking with someone about it... you know... professionally. But I'm poor. And that trumps vanity in my book.

But why am I telling you all this? Well, because I've recently found out that ::gasp:: I'm on the normal side of this phenomenon (the aforementioned Black girl with no ass-itis). It could be SO much worse.

Consider

Yea, that woman said, "I don't like Black women" and "Williams is a little too Black." This is some straight up pathological shit right here. But where is it coming from?

I tend to get angry when people speak about Black self-hate as if it's the answer to a question, rather than the starting point for a million other ones.

For instance:

•  How was this woman raised? I always want to know this because personally I could never see myself saying that I don't like Black women because (well besides the fact that I am one) my mom is the shit. And while I don't love every Black woman I know, abstractly I do love all Black women. But, more importantly, I practically LOVE lots of individual Black women. The majority of the people who love me and support me are Black women and to even think of saying that I hate Black women would instantly bring these women's faces to mind and I'd feel so ashamed I wouldn't know what to do with myself. (This is also coincidentally one of the core reasons for my feminism. Women of all races have been my backbone and all of my strongest relationships are with women. It's such an important part of who I am.) The same goes for Black men. While I have much fewer instances of Black men who have been good to me in my life, the ones that have have been the most amazing, starting with my grandfather. My father is a sad excuse for a man, but my grandfather showed me what it could mean to be a good Black man. And for that reason along (though I do have many others) I have always felt a distinct love for Black men. So I wonder, what kind of life did this woman, and others like her, have that she can not make these associations? 
• Who are the people around her? I find it really strange that the woman actually has Black friends. I mean, how do you talk to someone who says "I don't like people like you, but you're cool so.."? I mean, really. Maybe I should ask some of my white friends this.... hahaha I kid I kid (sorta). No seriously, how do you have a friend like that? How do you call that person your friend? It's just... odd.
• Why does she feel that it's ok to say crazy shit like this? I think, for me, this is the most disturbing part of people who hate people of their own race/gender/sexuality. It's not that they don't like them, it's that they always abuse their "insider" position to spout hate. It's as if they feel like even though they've been alienated from other Black people (in this instance) somehow they have the inside scoop on them. Really? I always want to ask them if they don't see their alienation as maybe, maybe, a sign that they're not so cued in on Black folk. ::sigh:: It's probably no use, very few of these folk are the smartest tools in the toolbox. Or even the most useful tool. But then other people latch on to that. It's infuriating...

At the same time, there's something else going on here that isn't about hating Black folk. It's about hating yourself because you don't fit a stereotyped image of what it means to be Black. We all know this from such classically preposterous statements as "You sound white" and "You dress like a white boy" and on and on and on. But it's also at work in other ways and I think the pressure that we as a society, and community, put on Black women to look/act/dress/live a certain way is another example.

I mean seriously, who doesn't know the stereotype that Black women have big asses? What does that mean then for the Black women who don't? And how the hell do we explain, mediatakeout.com often wonders, white, Asian or Latin women with big asses. I mean that's MINDBOGGLING! Or it's racist. Whatever.

That's why in the clips above we don't just see the the Black woman (who presumably does NOT hate Black women) getting a butt job (ew), we also see Ms. Onassis/Williams ::eye roll:: getting one as well. Obviously, she can say whatever she wants about not being Black ::big ass eye roll::, but she's clearly dealing with where she fits into the realm of Blackness herself. And while I think she's an idiot (who talks funny!), on that point (and that one point) I get where she's coming from.

Because every time I look at my sad (flat) sack of an ass I have to shake myself mentally and remember that who I am, my Blackness, my awesomeness does not reside in the seat of my jeans... does not reside in the seat of my jeans!

Unfortunately I don't always believe myself...

Lil' Wayne... The Dumbest Male on Earth!

Today I ran across this video of Lil' Wayne talking about how he was raped at age 11 by a woman spurred on by his "father" Baby.

About the rape, Wayne said:

"I loved it....I ain't never pressed charges. I'mma do you like Baby and them did me…”

There's so much wrong with this that my brain hurts! So let's take dissect this tragedy piece by piece.

I'm going to put all by biases out there. I think Lil' Wayne, Baby and that whole camp are a bunch of bullshit, trifling ass hoodrats. There's something about a boy masquerading as a man that makes me real angry. Add that to the fact that people actually have the nerve to talk about him like he's speaking something other than trash and I'm heated.

But let's put that to the side for a second, because this video just confirmed, without a doubt, that homeboy needs some help.

LIKE NOW!

For reals, someone needs to get this man a therapist. A psychologist. A friendly, non-trifling, shoulder to cry on. 

When I first saw this article I thought, lord knows why, oh my god Lil' Wayne is going to break his decade long streak of foolishness and actually say something of substance. I was hella wrong. What a missed opportunity.

People rarely talk about boys as the rape victims of women. Most of the male rape discussion centers on men in prison, and the sexual violation of boys usually focuses on male perpetrators. So here I thought, damn he's going to shed light on the ignored instances of women raping young boys (and girls). It's a serious issue and we really need to start having a conversation that dismantles the tendency of equating rape victims solely with women and refusing to see women as potential perpetrators.

But that's not what we get here. No, Lil' Wayne offers us a horrific description of how wonderful it was to be a child violated by an adult against his will, while a bunch of adults sit around and watch and probably cheer. And then, to put icing on the motherfucking cake, this asshole promises to violate his young protege in the same way.

I only have two things to say about this.

1. Now that I know that Wayne was a victim of sexual abuse, I'm starting to look at his sexual exploits in a whole new light. Anyone even mildly conversant in the pathology of the victims of sexual abuse knows that survivors very often develop problematic relationships with sex that can, especially when untreated, develop into a hyperactive sexual life. It's a defense mechanism. And maybe, just maybe, that's what's going on with this fool. 
   
2. Somebody call the damn police. This man is promising, PROMISING, to orchestrate the rape of a minor!

Also, as a side note and even more evidence of how FUCKED UP these people are, check the end of the video when Lil' Wayne compares his first sexual experience/violation with his coming into manhood and then quickly compares that to killing five men or robbing a bank.

Yea, this is exactly the kind of Black masculinity I want my nephew to model.

OVER MY DEAD BODY.

source

Happy Birthday Sierra!

As you all know, I love my babies...
So here's a personal shot out to one of the coolest (the coolest!) little people I know.
::my namesake::

 

::my heart::

Just for you:


Love,

Titi Colie!

Latinos en America- guest post

I solicited a post by good friend Danielle on CNN's "Latino in America."

check it!
-N

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was half way through the first installment of CNN’s “Latino in America” and I was ready to call it a night. But I continued watching; hoping for something that I could say was intelligent and illuminating. In the end I was disappointed, but not as much as I might have been had I actually expected CNN to produce something intelligent and illuminating. 

So, what did CNN teach us about Latinos in America?

1. If only Latinos would work harder, try harder in school, and learn English, then they could achieve the “American Dream.” Look at Eva Longoria-Parker and Edward James Olmos.
2. Guess what? Latinos come in a variety of colors and shades.  Yes, they look black, white, brown, and everything in between. (Note to CNN: The history of conquest and importation of African slaves to Latin America might have been relevant here.)
3. Latina teenagers are brats. They run away. They always seem to end up pregnant.  And they think about committing suicide frequently. Side Comment: teenage pregnancy is hardly a problem among Latinas only.  
4. Latina teenagers are brats. They run away. They always seem to end up pregnant.  And they think about committing suicide frequently. Side Comment: teenage pregnancy is hardly a problem among Latinas only.  
5. There are cultural and communication problems that are involved when groups from diverse communities mix. Um, duh. Telling us about a segregated Catholic church—that have two different services because of language differences—doesn’t say anything about the real sociological, psychological, and historical dangers of segregation. Many white Americans simply refuse to recognize their own cultural superiority and continue to insist that their language, their food preferences, and their traditions are better (i.e. they should learn English and they should learn to like our side dishes at the church picnic). 
6. There are many people who oppose immigration from Latin American countries, particularly Mexico. Duh again. CNN failed to address the complexities of this issue. There was no discussion of America’s interference in Latin American economic policies, nor of particular U.S. policies that make the transnational transfer of both goods and peoples—NAFTA, for example—easy and profitable, nor of the history of U.S. sponsored labor migrations from Latin America throughout the twentieth century. Instead, the show gave much more time to examining one (white) man’s personal bias against Latin American immigrants, the result of which was to individualize racism and neglect America’s role in creating the “immigrant problem.”
7. Sometimes, in cases of extreme individual racism, Latinos are harassed and/or beaten up for being Latino. Again, these instances have nothing to do with anything other than a single person’s or group of people’s own prejudices.
8. Latino parents are bad parents. They don’t teach their kids about their heritage and then complain about it later. They don’t appreciate the value in American education.  They would rather children stay at home or work. 
9. All Latinos have the same experiences.

Understandably, CNN undertook a huge project with “Latinos in America” (as they did with “Black in America”), but there was little effort to produce something that could actually open people’s eyes or, heaven forbid, make people think. There was no analysis, no attempt to break down the structural barriers to equality, and no explanation as to why Latino immigration is different from European immigration, among other things. No, CNN did not make this comparison, but they should have, considering that their entire show was basically about immigrants (as if there are no Latinos that have been here for generations, or even centuries).  If they had bothered to talk to even ONE scholar of Latino Studies or Latino History, they might have discovered this.

On top of that, it is obvious that CNN sought to represent Latinos in a very particular (racialized and gendered) way. Frankly, half of the stories told were largely irrelevant. I fail to understand, for example, how a group of guys in Southern California who build and show low-rider cars in their spare time are representative of Latinos in America.  Yes, some people will say that when they think of low-riders, they think of young, Latino men, but if that’s the criteria for getting some airtime on the show, then when CNN does “White in America” (they won’t, but some friends and myself have discussed the possibilities), I fully expect them to talk about polka dancers and beauty pageants for four-year-olds. 

In my mind, CNN’s only purpose was to justify stereotypes of Latinos and promote the idea of individual striving and success, also known as the “American Dream.” The other half of the stories had the potential to be educational, but because there was no context (historical or otherwise) given and no investigation into the meaning of particular experiences—white flight, hate crimes, anti-immigrant sentiment, Latino poverty, contemporary segregation patterns, high school drop-out rates, and generational conflicts among immigrants, for instance—these stories did little to actually explain what it’s like to be Latino in America.

The story of Marta, a young girl from Central America, is representative of this point.  When she was twelve, she immigrated illegally to the U.S., in search of her mother.  When discovered, she was put in Boystown, a detention facility in Florida where children are kept when they are found without documentation. It operates more like a prison than juvenile detention center.  It’s a sad situation, but the history of Boystown is interesting.  It once served as a home to child refugees from Cuba starting in 1959. Cuban parents sent their children there with the hopes of later migrating themselves, and reuniting in the U.S. Boystown was supposed to assimilate these children, with the hopes of integrating them into American society.

The differences between the facility then and now are quite stark, but CNN does not explain why this is the case. Why were Cubans welcomed so warmly? Why is Marta’s experience so different from the hundreds of Cuban children to enter the U.S. before her?  A history of American geopolitical objectives and their influence on immigration policy, and thus racial constructions, would have helped explain these disparities.

In the end, I’m convinced that CNN’s efforts did more harm than good. Some people I’ve talked to have argued that they were just glad that Latinos got some primetime airtime for a change. I don’t agree. “Latinos in America” was advertised as an authoritative piece of journalism, intended to teach Americans about a group of people who are quickly (demographically, at least) taking over. On CNN’s website, you can find a parent and teacher discussion guide for the show, further demonstrating that it was meant to be a teaching tool. It has probably already been used that way. Long term it will probably becomes a tool for teaching diversity and multiculturalism, and the real problems behind the disparities in Latino education and income will remain hidden, as will the internal biases that prohibit Latino advancement in the U.S.  But don’t be surprised if we get “Latinos in America 2.” It’s only a matter of time, unfortunately.

Danielle

...unexpected ranting...

"No One Wants to See Round Women"

said Chanel genius, Karl Lagerfeld recently.

And, according to French Vogue, blackface... "what's the big deal?"

Every one is all a-flutter about the fashion industry's exclusionary practices and often offensive images of women. Me... not so much. The fashion industry is elitist and generally intolerant of all women, not just "round" ones. Models are never skinny enough and always beautiful but... "her eyes are too wide" "too close together" "her hips are too big" "her face too angular" "too round." WTF ever.

I don't care what anyone says, the fashion industry does not like women.

So Karl Lagerfield may be an ass and he may be offensive and he may look like a villain from outer space:

but he's not an anomaly. This is how people feel, he's just one of the few who will say it out loud. And for that I say kudos to you Mr. Lagerfeld, at least I know what I'm dealing with, with your crazy ass. And I totally won't tell anyone that you used to be f-... well, you know:

So if I don't have an issue with that, why this post? Well first, I've been crazy busy and haven't had the time to blog, let alone think, lately. And this is me getting back into a groove. But secondly, and more importantly, I'm super sick of people attacking the fashion industry for being sizist, or racist, or exoticizing certain women, or stealing from communities of color in a decidedly imperialist manner but being unwilling to look at how these are only more focused versions of what's going on in the rest of the world and what they're doing themselves.

I love all of the tv news shows, especially of the entertainment variety, who reported on this with their anchors liposucked to within an inch of their lives, botoxed beyond recognition and full of saline saying how deplorable his statements were (but not quite emoting their outrage). And then couching the post in between "news" stories about Nicole Richie's post-baby body and who's got the worst cellulite of the summer (random selection of stories not necessarily on air when this ish went down, but... you know).

The point is that we worship certain kinds of images but many of us who rail against them also willingly fall victim to it. We make a big fuss about the media and society circumscribing certain kinds of bodies to women (and men) but then ignore how those bodies (and their attendant conceptions of beauty) are raced and/or how this litmus of perfection allows us to judge other people's characters/lives/behaviors based on their bodies. (And this goes on both sides. We can't make judgments about skinny girls not eating or dieting all the time and falling into the "trap" simply because they're small.) We gotta do better. So until you're willing to check yourself, stop talking. And if you're not sure if I'm aiming this at you, consider:

If you're one of those people who totally nods your head every few months when there's some new scandal about those stick thin, possibly anorexic, models but won't date a girl over a size 6 or makes fun of that girl in the next cubicle for being a "lard ass," SHUT THE FUCK UP! You have absolutely no room to talk. And if you're one of those douches who points out how wrong it is that all of the models in your favorite ad campaign are white but clutches your purse when a Black man enters the elevator, FUCK YOU! You have no room to talk.

Today's message has been brought to you by the word "fuck" and Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream.

Weighing in:

The Awesomeness
The Tastiest

The Saddest- I was going to link to some pics of anorexic models and girls, but that shit is so disturbing and sad that I just couldn't...

...things I like to look at...

I can barely think in coherent sentences most days, which makes those fellowship essays a bit of a chore. But I really don't talk that much throughout the week anyway. Usually I spend a lot of time just staring, watching, hopefully comprehending.

Here's a list of things that I don't mind looking at again and again:

1. Nanami Cowdroy's art:

 

Most of you might recognize the first piece from my laptop and my old ipod (r.i.p Bandit). The Japanese-Australian artist's blending of intricate design to illustrate familiar and foreign themes speaks to me. When I bought my laptop decal at GelaSkins, one person reviewed that with one of Nanami's prints you wouldn't fail to get noticed from random passerby, which has proven true. But even more interestingly to me, you always know when you're looking at a Nanami Cowdroy piece. And not just by the red stamp of her name in the corner, but by the unique interplay of light and dark, and detail,  her signature style.

2. Oakland

Well, pictures of Oakland technically. I'm working on a story right now that I decided, on a whim, to set by Lake Merritt. We lived there for a while when I was in elementary school and I loved it. And living in a city like Columbus (all offense) makes it really easy to miss a place like home. Seriously, as usual I've got a list of things I must see/do/eat when I'm home:

• buying jewelry/knick knacks on Telegraph. I seriously haven't done this in years. Who's down?
• Blondie's pizza- turkey pepperoni. nuff said. no seriously, only in california would a pizza place have pepperoni w/o pork. holla!
• bancroft clothing- i don't know why though
• sushi
• skates... i don't think i really want to drop money like that, but hell... maybe
• monterey bay aquarium- i've never been but we're taking the heathens for Sierra's 7th 'cause I'm coming home!
• Loard's- banana
• taco trucks
• MOAD- i haven't been in a while, might as well see what's new. Who's down?
• Asian Art museum- again, who's  down?
• the fam
• Jean
• Jessica
• the SMC fam
• BART!- hell even AC transit... COTA's got nothing on them.
• saying hella without any flak!
• Nations, but only after a drunken night in Jack London. I'm not even asking, Jean- get ready!
  
• being near water

3. Katrina Fema Jackson

check it

Seriously, she's like free entertainment and since she's kind of crazy, it works....

4. My babies:

Black/Latino in America

So I never, ever, evereverever bothered with CNN's Black in America series. I knew they were going to suck. And they did. They didn't show any of the things that I think non-Black/especially white people in this country need to know.

But now that they're doing a Latino in America series I'm starting to wonder. Should I watch? Soledad O'Brien is questionably Black, but maybe she's just a little more Latina. Maybe they'll say some things I need to hear.

So, what say you? Will you be watching CNN's Latino in America?!

...the asian Spanish teacher?...

NBC's new half hour comedy Community hasn't received too much hype, even though it airs in the channel's coveted Thursday night comedy block. Personally I only thought to give it a try because Joel McHale is funny, but just as soon as I decided to watch it, I forgot about it completely. But I happened to catch Yvette Nicole Brown's interview on The Wendy Williams Show and promptly set my dvr. And thank god I did, because this shit is hilarious.

Sadly, I then immediately forgot that about it again (am I too young for senility?) and missed the second episode. But I was lucky enough to catch the show on Bravo thanks to NBC's media domination. And if it was possible to top the introduction of Abed, the Indian dude with Aspergers, and Chevy Chase as creepy older hippy Pierce who has a bit of a thing for Shirley (Brown), they did so with this little nugget of fabulousness. Meet Senor Chang (Ken Jeong), the Asian Spanish Teacher:

In his first appearance Senor Chang lays it down, getting right to the heart of your Asian stereotypes and the supposed incongruity of having an Asian man teaching Spanish. Because I can't find the clip anywhere anymore (damn NBC and their copyright protections!) I've decided to transcribe it for you.... Seriously! It's that good.

Every once in a while a student will come up to me and ask Senor Chang, why do you teach Spanish? They say it just like that. Why do you teach Spanish? Why you? Why not math? Why not photography? Why not martial arts? I mean surely it must be in my nature to instruct you in something that's ancient and secret like oh building a wall that you can see from outer space. Well I'll tell you why I teach Spanish. It is none of your business ok? Now I don't wanna have any conversations about what a mysterious inscrutable man I am. [plays with imaginary long, white beard] oheheheheheohohohohoh I am a spanish genius. En espanol my nickname is el tigre chino [pretending to bite Shirley's neck] because my knowledge will bite her face off. So don't question Senor Chang or you'll get bit, ya bit, ya bit!... Ok, Friday manana...

At first I wasn't sure where this monologue was going and I am a bit lost on where it ended up. But the more I listened the more I realized that Senor Chang was blowing my mind. All of a sudden, he was killing me softly and I was on the floor dying laughing. "Why not karate?" The "mysterious" Asian man... oh sweet lord in heaven, you like me and this proves it!

Senor Chang's outburst says a lot about how we understand race, nationality and language. I've talked about this before but this dude is so funny that I had to do it again.

Why do his students get all confuddled about having an Asian Spanish teacher? Well, you know... he's Asian first of all. Shouldn't he be teaching Japanese or Cantonese or, you know, some Asian language?
That has got to be one of the dumbest sentences I've ever had to write just because it requires looking at the world with such massive blinders I don't know how you don't run into multiple walls.

But also because comments like these presume that only Asian people speak Asian languages, only Latinos speak Spanish and only someone of a particular racial group should teach that language. This also supposes that you've never looked around you and seen what different kinds of people lay claims to what it means to be an American. And everyone from Norcal knows that when you're in high school you have two foreign language options, Spanish or French. And if you know like I know, Spanish is just barely a foreign language in some parts of the U.S.


So douche... why Senor Chang?


Why the FUCK NOT?

...where's my clicker?...

Well kids, it's that time again. A new fall premiere season is upon us. For those that don't know I'm a serious tv hound/couch potato and this is my favorite time of the year. If I celebrated Christmas, fall premieres would put that sappy holiday to shame!

So, in the spirit of full disclosure here is a list of shows that I'm excited about (and some that I'm really not):

Returning

Heroes- yea, it's confusing and they keep killing off all of the Black people and the Asians are woeful stereotypes but I fucking love Hiro goddammit! ... don't look at me. I'm so ashamed... :-(

House- the white person is the druggie? sign me up!

Lincoln Heights- one word: Chassie. all my tween/teen girls know what I'm talking about... yea. yea... (still ashamed)

Supernatural- technically started last week, but whatever, still excited. Dean- need I say more? thought not!

Cold Case- old mysteries, Tracie Thoms/Anthony LaPaglia... it is what it is.

Castle- Nathan Fillion. that is all.

Smallville- I don't have to explain myself to you!

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia- I love this show. the season premiere was not amazing. I'm excited, but wary...

Law & Order- last season was ridiculous. I never thought I'd say this but Anthony Anderson is a really good actor... gasp!

Medium- fucking cbs nbc. how do you cancel Medium!? it's on nbc cbs now.

Californication- if you don't know you betta ask somebody.

Dollhouse- I thought most of season 1 was a bit... meh, but it's Joss Whedon so I'm hoping they will have fixed the kinks.

Lie to Me- ridiculous!

Better off Ted- one of those dry humor, man breaks the fourth wall shows that works for me... I don't like the Office... even though I wanted to.

New Kids on the Block

the forgotten- actually I don't know how to feel about this one. how do you replace Rupert Penry Jones with Christian Slater? fucking Americans.

Eastwick- another one I'm ambivalent about but I liked the movie so we'll see.

The Vampire Diaries- the books sound atrocious but I was pleasantly surprised by the pilot so I'm giving it a shot.

Melrose Place- I was actually not a fan of the original but the first two episodes weren't bad. besides there's a black girl. there's only one, but sometimes that's all they give us so I have to make it work...

Flashforward- I actually kept running into the descriptions for this one and said no, hell no, repeatedly. some smart exec, however, made me turn my head with the announcement that John Cho was in it. I still said no, but I was willing to listen. then they made me turn around completely: Gabrielle Union was cast on the show? no, no, you will not break me down, goddamn you! and I was holding out pretty strong all summer until I heard that... John Cho and Gabrielle Union's characters were a couple... fucking abc. I'm watchin', I'm watchin'!

Glee- who knew? I'm hooked.

Community- Joel McHale... nuff said...

Shows I Gave Up On/Not Even Trying

One Tree Hill- no Leyton?! No Nicole...

Gossip Girl*- I just can't keep track and the CW doesn't do enough reruns... maybe on dvd... maybe... and where the fuck are the black people? this show has the Friends-itis...

Cougar Town- no. (on a sidenote: did anyone besides me watch Dirt? now that show was crazy)

The Beautiful Life- i tried. the premise was tired as hell.

CSI:NY- i don't know what happened. i used to really love this show. maybe it's just too sleek for me? *shrugs shoulders*

Parks and Recreation- horrible. absolutely horrible. and it really shouldn't be! amy poehler. rashida jones. wtf happened!?

CSI- actually, I gave up on it not 'cause it wasn't good it's just that thursday is a busy (tv) night for me... it's up against some pretty tough contenders... oh larry fishburne... I tried! I tried!

Fringe*- this show was amazing but then fox kept fucking with it's schedule and I lost interest

Ghost Whisperer- Andrea.

Southland*- again I tried. I was not impressed.

Sanctuary- who knew a webseries could be better than the shit they put on tv? I am humbled... and not tuning in.

NCIS- one day I looked up and realized that I couldn't figure out if I'd already seen this episode because EVERY FUCKING NCIS EPISODE IS THE SAME unless it's a season finale... over it!

Never Tried But Maybe on Netflix...?

The Mentalist- my mom likes it. but in my mind simon should be with sanaa on my tv screen... I might have gotten a bit attached to something new...

Sons of Anarchy- I've heard good things but... maybe on netflix.

CSI: Miami- maybe there's just been too much soup criticism of the show (oh horatio) but they had megalyn echikunwoke on it last season so all of a sudden I have a new determination to see what's going down... i'm nothing if not predictable.

Dexter*- technically I saw the first season, but something about the second season never clicked with me... I'll put it on my queue though... why not?

So, these are my obsessions... what are you watching this season?

*- indicates a show that I'm willing to consider for the netflix queue.

...miscellany...

a random collection of thoughts... not one related to the next

• yahoo world news freaks me out. general descriptions of topics/content: middle east: conflict/europe: politics, economics, football (soccer)/latin america: (gang) murder, coups, natural disasters/africa: poverty, hiv/aids, aid... must find new news outlets. do not like cnn... maybe i should just go back to the bbc.
  
• people are lazy: when you push the handicap button the door does open but it takes forever. just use your freaking hands.
• facebook makes me happy. i don't care what anyone (jean) says, it's amazing. i can keep up with friends/get a lot of information/dick around on the internet all in one place... sadly, it is becoming like twitter now that it's conquered the myspace arena... *sigh*
• today is my last full day at my job... tomorrow, total half day (can't go over those 30 hrs!). i look forward to hanging with my Kat, getting down to business (apparently those papers WILL NOT write themselves), and finish the half-assed unpacking job from this weekend
  
• considering the possibility of dating again. if true, will have to stop cutting men off who approach me/spend more time outside of my apartment and the grocery store/possibly work up the nerve to ask someone i like out. *double sigh*... oh and also, must find repellent spray for men in their late 30s/40s hitting on me, especially the bus driver on my route home. no one my age is interested, but a dude clearly old enough to be my father... gross.
  
• need another bookshelf. i just got one!
• circling a pair of boots. really want to go shopping. fall is coming! really broke.
  
• want to go on a trip. too poor for int'l, but domestic... hmmm. sadly i also can't afford the bay. nyc is looking pretty damn good right now.
• in love with these hair care products: Oyin.
  
• must buy shoe goo. will not give up on those damn boots yet!
• in love with Nanami Cowdroy. must save money to buy & frame prints/see one of her exhibitions.
• currently avoiding someone with questionable academic morals. must find way to say to said person that i think they're an underhanded skeezer that i wouldn't let look at my grocery list let alone anything even remotely involving my work? there should be a google translate page to make harsh things sound better.
• trying to wrap my brain around a post on interracial relationships... too complex? relatedly, sean penn is dating jessica white? they met at kid rock's house? crazy!

that is all.

...crazy cat lady snaps back...

I've got a cat (refer to previous post). She's funny and moody and sometimes needy. It's nice to have a companion. I wish she would eat more. I like her.

Here's what I don't like:

Every time I tell people about my cat I get one clear warning: "Just don't get too many." Some people have said this to be funny. It's not. Some have said this in all seriousness. It's not that deep. They are all essentially saying the exact same thing: "Just don't get too many because you'll become the crazy cat lady." This implied statement is a few things: annoying, needless and cliched. But it is also two very important things: sexist and possibly homophobic.

In defense of my friends I don't think that they're trying to be any of these things. Nevertheless they are. So let's handle the issues.

First, when I say possibly homophobic I mean this specific to my situation. I don't think that every person who forewarns their friend not to become a "crazy cat lady" is also warning off homosexuality. It's just my friends... well mostly some family members. I think that because I don't date/am celibate/am not currently falling all over my cute next door neighbor/random guy at club etc, a lot of people in my life have always been slightly worried that I am gay... gasp. In fact one college friend greets me every time I see him with "you aint dating no women? you aint gay are you?" *sigh* So for these people who have felt this fear about me at one time or another, the fact that I adopted a cat was yet another check in the "she's gonna come out someday" pile... They feel like they've figured me out and they're a little worried at the revelation.

Apparently cats make people think spinster-living alone with my special "friend" Margaret and our brood of kittens/rescued feral strays etc.

Here's the funny thing. A lot of the people who've said this to me have or want to get dogs. Lesbians don't like dogs all of a sudden? (Ellen would beg to differ.) Why is it that certain pets carry specific stigmas... sexism!

There is no "crazy cat man," the weird cat obsession to which my friends are afraid I will fall is only for the ladies! [Side note: There are stereotypes that a man with (too many) cats is gay, generally effeminate, mentally disabled, a momma's boy, stunted, whatever.] In this dynamic if I get too many cats it will mean my eventual seclusion from society (and with my already spotty record...), I'll let myself go physically (I assume they mean mumus and wild hair), a general sour attitude (have these people ever met me?) and most worrisome... that I'll end up alone.

There won't be a husband to come home to, kids to get off to school in the morning, weekend soccer games, ballet rehearsals. There'll just be me, my cats and the ten o'clock news. Again, I think this comes from a place of well-intentioned concern that is... rude. It also makes me wonder how well these people know me.

Some facts: The probability of me getting married is about on par with peace on earth. I've already said that I want to adopt at least one child after 30 (partner or no), so if you think you're a feminist and haven't considered this possibility... I would reconsider. I hate the tv news. And, lastly, if I have a cat I won't be alone.

So here's what I'm advocating. If your fear is that I'll be alone for the rest of my life. Say that. It will warm my heart and I'll love you more. It will not, however, change how I live my life because I've found that one way to stave off an unhappy existence is to do what makes you happy. What I've done for the last 6 years or so has made me happy (even grad school).

If your fear is that I'm gay and in the closet. Say that. I'll almost certainly call you a homophobe for considering homosexuality something to worry about. But I'm open to listening to you defend yourself. But I will, as a warning, always look at you a little bit differently. And after that, if you're interested, I'll tell you that I'm straight. I've met a number of very nice lesbians over the years who've made me slightly sad that I'm not gay. And if I needed to be in a relationship so bad I would have made some concessions along the way. I have not however, which supports my grand point:

I'm happy. Single or otherwise. If I never get married, I'll still be happy. If I never have children, I'll still be happy. (Have you seen my nieces and nephew?!) If I end up in a house with a bunch of cats, I'll still be happy. Mostly because I will have made these decisions based on what I want and need, not on what anyone else thinks I should be doing.

So if you love me, please meet Kat.


She makes me happy. Support that, just as I try to support what makes you feel the same...

... random musings on reparations...

A lot of people don't know how to feel about reparations. I'm torn myself. I don't support the handing of money to anyone, least of all me (I'd have more shoes and shit than I knew what to do with in a heartbeat- I've got a problem). But I am in favor of spending much more money on Black communities to begin to fix the problems of the ghettoization of the Black people spatially, politically, educationally, economically, medically - the list goes on and on and on...

Anyway, most of my reservations about reparations seem to fly out of the window when I think about teaching it in a classroom and the likely responses I'll get. It's hard to imagine some of the things students say. I just want to shake my head and apply for a job at the bookstore.

So when a friend told me some of the things she's heard people say against reparations, one of the responses she got was that Jewish people have recovered from the Holocaust in such a short period of time, why haven't African Americans?

um...

That's fucking genius! Well not that idiot's comment, but the comparison that it sets up. In my mind I always plan to connect the Transatlantic Slave Trade to the Holocaust to help students contextualize the loss of life (condoned for a time by much of the world's community), racist violence etc etc. I hope that this more contemporary example will help them understand the tragedy. I don't know if it will though, but it's a plan. And as of right now, when I imagine teaching reparations I'm going to continue with this theme.

Should African Americans get reparations? I don't know, but the Jews got Israel so...

Side note:

All I ask is that if, by some (never gonna happen/probably shouldn't happen 'cause it'll be a racist clusterfuck) turn of events, Black folk get their own country, could we not rip the land from a settled people, go to war against them, their religion and the entire region, continue to steal more of their land, further impoverish them, treat them like second class citizens and then hide behind our own tragedy as justification for oppressing others... That would be nice.

*sigh*

...reading is sexy...

Books I love/am reading/will read

be forewarned: I have very varied tastes...

Fiction
Bastard Out of Carolina by Dorothy Allison*

Persuasion by Jane Austen*

The Street by Anne Petry

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte*

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston*

Girl, Interrupted by Susana Kaysen*

Wicked by Gregory Maguire

The Witching Hour by Anne Rice

The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri*

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

Non-Fiction/History

A People on the Boil: Reflections on Soweto by Harry Mashabela

Ella Baker & the Black Freedom Movement by Barbara Ransby

Assata: An Autobiography by Assata Shaku

Black Power: Radical Politics and African American Identity by Jeffrey O.G. Ogbar

Claudia Jones: A Life in Exile by Marika Sherwood

The Body Project: An Intimate History of American Girls by Joan Jacobs Brumberg

Feministy Things

Scum Manifesto by Valeries Solanas

Black British Feminism: A Reader ed. Heidi Safia Mirza

Talking Back by bell hooks

Reading Now

Afro-Future Females ed. Marlene S. Barr

Summers at Castle Auburn by Sharon Shinn

A Bone to Pick by Charlaine Harris

The Nawal El Saadawi Reader

The River by Edward Hooper

For Their Triumphs and For Their Tears by Hilda Bernstein

On the come-up... eventually

Kindred by Octavia Butler

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day by Pearl Cleage

Daughters of the Dust by Julie Dash

White Rising: The 1922 Insurrection and Racial Killing in South Africa by Jeremy Krikler

Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri

Living for the Revolution by Kimberly Springer

The Montgomery Bus Boycott and the Women Who Started It by Jo Ann Robinson

Coming of Age in Mississippi by Anne Moody

Telling Histories ed. Deborah Gray White

All the Women are White, All the Blacks are Men, But Some of Us are Brave by Gloria Hull, Patricia Bell Scott & Barbara Smith

Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister by Gregory Maguire

I also read a lot of fiction online... some of which is better than stuff Amazon recommends... so if you're into popular fiction check out The Chamber. (My favorite authors are TokenBlackGirl and BlackMamba, but there are lots of good people writing on there...)

And because I love yall, I'm posting my shelfari bookshelf on the site. So keep track of my reading and maybe even join and be my friend (hint: Jean).

* denotes a damn good film adaptation... I liked Tom Hanks and The Da Vinci Code, but Angels & Demons ruined it for me...

... black cat nine lives short days looong night living on the edge not afraid to die...

I recently got a cat... she's cute, sort of standoffish, only slightly needy and possibly an insomniac. This isn't really relevant to this point, it's just that I could describe myself in the same way... This might be a match made in heaven.

Anyway... when I was looking for a cat I really only had one criteria. I wanted her to be black. I've wanted a black cat since I was little. My mother's birthday is on Halloween and she raised me to believe that all black cats are good luck for us (defying conventional wisdom). As a child this made sense to me but now... not so much. How the hell would a black cat be good luck for me? I wasn't born on halloween! Whatever... it doesn't really matter because all I learned from this was that black cats are cool!

So when I went looking to adopt a cat, this was the only thing I wanted. I ended up falling in love with Kat, the aforementioned cat (hehehe). When describing her I always mentioned her personality and then that she was black, with a bit of white on her belly. Actually, I describe her as "black, with a little bit of white that she can hide. like me!" I thought it was just a funny throw away comment until we were bringing Kat home yesterday and my friend said something about me even racing my animals.

I laughed because it was funny, but then I thought about it and I realized that... yea, it's totally true. So what can we learn from this kids?

1. I, and presumably others, look at the WORLD in a raced way. Sometimes we focus on how we race people, but what about how that translates in other ways? Now my very literal racing of my pet is one thing, but it happens in other, more significant, ways. For instance, all of my cousins wanted to own pitbulls and rots because they identified these animals as "acceptable" dog breeds for black men. (Cats were not an option.) Also my grandfather, and myself, tended to equate weird things with whiteness. For instance, whenever we saw little white kids throwing a full-on tantrum in public, cursing and sometimes hitting their moms, we would look at them and say "white people." And if you know me then you know that I still do this, so...


2. How does our racing of the world shut us off from having new experiences? Strangely enough, while in Target picking up cat stuff, my friend and I ran into a Black woman with cats. One of her first comments was that Black people generally don't like cats and she was shocked to see two Black people with them as pets. This is something that I've experienced a lot and it goes well beyond people's allergies (or faux allergies in my mom's case!). Most Black people I know just really don't like cats. I've also heard this about pets in general. I know a lot of Black people, older, who don't like pets at all. Well that's not true. Actually a lot of older Black people just don't understand the reason for keeping a pet. Now I'm not saying that everyone should like the felines, I'm just saying that why is that such an identifiable trend? What is the connection here between race and pets?


3. Is this a form of racism? I haven't thought this one out so much, but there does seem to be something about racing the world in these subtle ways that is inherently racist? or racialist? or wrong? Hell I don't know, I'm just thinking outloud here.

This has all been an exercise in attempting to think about race in new ways. And whatever the outcome to this whole situation I've got a cat... named Kat! She seems pretty awesome and she's definitely pretty as hell.

She's black. I'm black. We live in a Black world. Well at least she does. When I step out of the apartment things change drastically...

...everybody loves a (part) Black girl...

So, Jean's whole yelp situation has me (re-) riled up about something that I didn't notice until I started spending a considerable amount of time online in forums and other community-based websites. Namely that... people are fucking crazy, racist, misogynist, homophobic cowards.

Now wait, hear me out. Maybe you're taking what I said in a way that I don't mean or... naw, you've probably got it right. It is pretty straight forward. So let me explain.

One of my favorite websites is IMDB. I'm a self-professed couch potato who LOVES tv. More often than not I'd rather be at home watching tv than doing say... well damn near everything. I don't feel bad about it, so let's move on. I go on IMDB to check out the casts to my favorites shows and movies, see what things my favorite actors are in, etc. Eventually I started posting on their forums (for shows and actors). They're a great information resource for spoilers and little known facts supplied by other nerdy tv geeks like myself. It was heaven. Well at least until I started noticing a disturbing trend.

On virtually every forum for a Black actress there's always that one douche who says something like, "(insert actress name here) is so beautiful. What's she mixed with because she can't be full-Black?" Or, as I like to translate: "I'm super racist and have all of these repressed feelings about totally loving Black women but you know Americans hate Black people so if someone could please just tell me that this girl is like half-Mexican or half-white, hell I'll even take that she's got a great tan so that I can repress all this angst that I'm feeling, you'd totally make my day."

At first I really didn't think that much about these comments because, coincidentally enough, the first time I read it I was looking at Halle Berry's forum and she's mixed. I just thought "what rock has this dude been living under? doesn't everyone know she's half-white?" But then it got a bit... hinky when I started running into it everywhere. I saw it on Freema Agyeman's page (half-Iranian), Salli Richardson-Whitfield's page (part-NA), Megalyn Echikunwoke's page (half-white), Rashida Jone's page (half-white) and Jessica Szohr (lots of stuff) but again all of these actresses are mixed so I got irritated, but kept it moving. (There's also this very strange tendency for some posters to put in part-Asian actresses' bios a detailed breakdown of their racial mixture and link them with other, completely unrelated, mixed-Asian actors that was so weird, but seems to have been cleared up in the last few months.) But when I stumbled on this lovely thread on Freema's page I became even more sensitive to it elsewhere.

The Freema thread is really important because you can tell that for certain people this had been building up and everyone, on both sides of the issue, responded from a place of frustration. Some of the comments were valid (on both sides) and some made me think that these people were dumb as rocks. But in the end I agree with the idea that continually asking about these women's mixed-status was yet another way to denigrate Black women and racist as all hell.

I also think that some people's defense of themselves was... pathetic and akin to saying "I'm not a racist, my best friend is Black." For instance, the OP's comment that he didn't mean what he said in a racist way, he just had a preference for middle-eastern women and knowing that Freema was part-Iranian cleared some things up for him... *side eye*

I'm sorry I just can't. I know other people attacked him for the racism, but can I just get on him about how stupid he sounds? I don't believe not one person who tells me that they only find certain kinds of people attractive. What sense does that make? Now you can say that you tend to only date women who have dark hair, tan skin and green eyes. Hell that's a preference, but does that mean that you wouldn't find a blonde woman with pale skin and blue eyes attractive. Hell nah! So why is it that when it comes to Black women, especially, so many men say some dumb shit like "I've never been attracted to Black women before but Naomi Campbell/Halle Berry/Beyonce is hot." What are they single-celled organisms? Humans are (allegedly) more complex than that.

Fucking idiots. Now back to the racism...

I see it on boards in lots of other ways too. For instance, staying on the Freema train for a moment (I love her!), in last year's BBC production of Little Dorritt people went ape shit because she was cast. Little Dorritt is Dicken's book about... hell I don't know, I just saw the movie, it's on my reading list... Whatever, check out it's wikipedia page. Anyway, all the hubub was because some people did not believe that Freema, as a Black person, should have been cast to play a white character. They also felt that this liberal trend in BBC productions to create casts for these period pieces that look more reflective of modern England was at least annoying (some people have termed it racist, certainly without fully understanding what the word means). But I mean, it wasn't the multi-culti version of Cinderella. At least the cast made some sense. But shit, even if it didn't who gives a shit. I care about the story and the acting. I don't give a shit what race the person is. And this has been happening on stage for forever... get over it!

I sort of jumped into the debate because, as a Freema fan, who thoroughly enjoyed the production, I didn't see the point in griping about casting a peripheral character, not meant to be blood related to any of the main characters, as Black. What's the harm in that? I think I know what it is, but I'll save that for a bit later.

Essentially what I'm saying about the anonymity of the internet is that it exposes a lot about how we think about race. I've pondered these websites every time someone says that racism doesn't exist. Or that we're not a racist country. It's utter bullshit. We're all racist. Those idiots who have to know that these Black women aren't all Black are racist. As am I, and others like me, who have to say "no, you can't take them away from us." And granted I'm biased that what I'm saying, while wrong, is for the right reasons, essentially that you won't deny these women's black identity simply because you're uncomfortable, doesn't mean that I'm not in some way inflicting a similar kind of damage by doing what I've done throughout this blog. Black is not their only racial identity and since I don't know how they choose to primarily identify I don't have the right to decide for them. I fight against this all the time for my nieces. People who don't know them don't have the right to classify them as mixed when their primary form of identity is Black. (Granted they're kids so they really don't know or care, but considering some interesting things that happened after MJ's death I'm pretty sure where they stand on the spectrum at the moment.)

But this kind of BS also reveals something else. Essentially, people feel damn free to say any and everything they want on the internet. That sort of anonymity allows people (of all races) to spout some of the most racist, misogynist generally depraved shit I have ever read. I don't know how many times someone's posted a link on facebook about something race-related with the express warning to either ignore the comments or read the comments for entertainment. Or how many times I've decided that reading any more of a certain thread would drive me insane. Or these douches who felt no qualms about resorting to blatantly racist and sexist stereotypes about Asian women when talking about the (sad? pathetic? weird?) plight of "The Hipster Grifter." These are the things that people would certainly never say in public, but with the cover of their keyboard they have at it.

I think that people spend way too much time talking about how a PC culture is destroying our society and how "you can't say anything anymore" but not enough time, if any, talking about when you can say certain things and through what medium. It isn't a surprise that people who have no idea that white supremacist groups are alive and well, if not even more dangerous than in the past, don't understand the full extent of the internet as a conduit of sharing ideas. Do a quick google search on white supremacist groups (being careful of course) and you'll turn up a slew of articles about how groups in the States are connecting with one another and with European counterparts through email, websites, etc. They're not gone. They're hiding in plain fucking site!

But this is an extreme example. To turn back to what started this whole fiasco, let's look at the random everyday people who want to know if their favorite Black actress is really Black. Implicit in their queries is a (racist) fear that they would actually find a Black person attractive. And while this seems simple, it's really not. Because they're afraid that if they find this "full-Black" Black woman attractive then that makes them someone who could say ask that Black girl sitting next to them in Soc class out for a movie. Or someone who could one day have (part) Black children. Or someone who would have to call their parents out for saying the n-word or their friend for sending that blatantly racist email. Essentially, there's the fear that they would have to become someone who thinks about race in a more present way than most white people ever do. (gasp!)

At the same time these people are worried that if their tv-crush is Black then it means that they have become somehow less white. This is definitely what was happening with the whole Little Dorritt situation. One Black character "infected" Dicken's "authentic" story of an England before Black folk. For these people there is a white story (that they would just call a story) and story for people of color. So in a modern setting there are places for Black, Brown... whoever. (At this point I'd like to point out that Dicken's story isn't authentic because there have been Black people in England at least since Queen Elizabeth I and Asians have been in England since the 5th century or so). But still these idiots think that us melanin-blessed folks should be kept in their place. So there will never be a Black Mr. Darcy or an Asian Captain Wentworth. Hell maybe it doesn't even have anything to do with time. I mean, did anyone else notice the storm when Pierce Brosnan recommended Colin Salmon as the next James Bond... geesh. This is just as problematic as racial zoning in housing, hiring based on racial preference, etc. because it says that, contrary to popular beliefs, we have very strict raced understandings of our world that manifest in decidedly racist terms.

I'm just saying that even if people are smart enough to keep these sorts of things under wraps in face to face encounters. They surely don't do this online. So if you want to know the places where I think people will learn racism in these next few generations. It's not on TV or in books. It's online and at home.

So when my nieces ask me to watch cartoons I say yea. But when they're old enough to ask me to use my computer, I'll explore it with them.

... my big breasts and me...

So today as I was getting ready for work I thought of two things repeatedly:

1. I really need to wash clothes because this dress I'm wearing, while cute, is totally the only clean thing left in my closet.
2. How can I create the illusion that I don't have breasts or at least stop them from looking as if they're about to take over the world?

This has been my dilemma all summer and just a sad replay of what I think when I'm getting ready to teach. How can I hide the fact that I've got breasts and they're big? Because what I'm really saying is that when I'm in a professional position or one of authority the last thing I want is to feel as if someone is staring at my breasts or focusing too much attention on the fact that I'm a woman.

For me there's something really sad about this. I don't mean just personally. Every time I see one of those Tyra Show snippets (because I can't stomach an entire episode) of those women with large breasts who are desperate for a breast reduction my heart goes out to them. And every time I hear those tiny stick figure girls saying how much they want bigger breasts I cringe and gag a little (for a variety of reasons).

Our society is completely obsessed with large breasts but we have absolutely no conceptualization of what living life with them can mean. No one with breasts naturally the size of Pamela Anderson's is running around the beach in a tiny swimsuit, because no one with breasts that large can fit those suckers in a tiny swimsuit without being cited for indecent exposure. And newsflash: if your breasts are 36D-ish or higher, they started moving south years ago! And let's not forget the back pains, the precarious position of the halter top, the strapless bra fiascoes, and the side boob. So the fake silicone/saline breasts are the biggest fallacy ever. And that's usually how you can tell they're fake gentlemen. If you were ever tempted to call a girl's DDs perky, thank her doctor, 'cause it's very unlikely that they're real.

But of course, life is full of wonderful contradictions. And in this case women are desired for larger breasts but they're made to feel uncomfortable because of them or objectified (and/or objectify themselves) for the same reasons. I mean consider this: I don't know one woman with large breasts who hasn't hated on Victoria's Secret because damn near ALL of their bras are padded. Who the hell wants padding when you've already got enough cushion!? No, these women talk to me about the desire to find a bra that will minimize all that's going on. That's where we spend the real money. There's a reason why playtex is still in business, they can make a girl with a high D (me!) look like a low D, and that's nothing to sneeze at. (Also, their 14-hour bras while ridiculously large and completely unattractive are comfortable as all hell!)

But then all those women on reality tv, especially VH1, only want to win so that they can get implants... I'm looking at you Prancer from I Love Money 2. And I get it god only knows what segment of the population they're representative of, but in this respect I don't think they're too far off the mark. Lots of girls want bigger breasts because they think that they're desirable and will instantly make them more attractive to men. That's what makes me angry. It isn't about what they like or being comfortable with their own bodies, it's all about getting a boyfriend or looking like Jessica Simpson... gag! But it makes sense, what does popular culture tell you about big breasts? You get better tips (take that however you wanna), boyfriends, or maybe even just friends in general, photoshoots for men's magazines, prominent features in crappy rap videos (although if you're Black a large ass is preferred... unfortunately I don't have one of those...sigh...).

Anyway, I guess I'm just thinking about the crazy contradiction that I'm faced with everyday. Big breasts make a woman beautiful, but they also make you look trashy. And if you want to be a professional, you better hide those suckers any way you can. I'm a little too lazy to buy an entire wardrobe around hiding my breasts at work but I do think about it all the time. When I go on a job interview, when I head to the office, when I have office hours with my students. I'm always wondering how to hide my breasts and any cleavage, lest anyone be reminded that I've got 'em and start treating me like tiddays... with a person attached. But I also love my cleavage and when I go out (which surely aint often) I show 'em off, but I also hate that dude, because there's always one, who's talking to my chest so he doesn't quite hear me when I tell him that I'm not interested (not even a little bit) the first time. So I say it again... and this time louder...

But then he thinks I'm the angry Black bitch... ah, but that's a whole 'nother issue.

Obama, Healthcare and Race... Oh MY!- external blog

Since neither of us have handled the health care situation yet, I'm providing a link to my friend's blog about the issue. It's short but I think points out some of the issues well. So....

Check it out!

...oh how I want to be an American...

So, this whole "birther" situation has me thinking about a lot of things, like what it means to be an American and what the hell "American" means anyway. Alright I'm sort of lying. What I'm really thinking is that if being an American involves being anything like this guy:



or these dudes:


then I think I'm good. Well, that's not true. If being an American means being these dudes, then I'm glad I'm (insert racial/ethnic identity here)-American. I think it's just interesting that there's actually no merit to this situation whatsoever and these "Americans" are still going on and on about it. I mean it's like they have no understanding of our citizenship laws or history and... Oh, wait, I think I've stumbled on the problem. Well, for the next time that this becomes an issue (in a few months time I'd imagine) I just want to say two things:

1. If at least one of your parents is an American citizen, and has not given up that citizenship, you are an American.

2. Contrary to popular belief, Hawaii is, in fact, a state. So, by default, if you are born in an American state you are, regardless of your parents' citizenship status, an American citizen.

Whew, I'm glad that's over with because it was getting... well frankly... annoying as all shit!

But that's all "common sense" (yes I know mom, commense sense is not, in fact, common). What I really wanted to talk about is how this whole situation has brought into focus the way that some peole in this country (and some outside of it) understand citizenship. Namely, there are a shitload of people who equate citizenship with race. Thus, what's actually going on here, in my estimation, is an assertion that American means white and Hawaii is so foreign, what with their luaus and Asian people, that they're not a valid part of "our" country. So let's take those in kind.

First, I would like to say that even if President Obama's father had not been Kenyan I truly believe that some people would have questioned his citizenship as a Black man... Oh, wait that happened didn't it. Everytime a white person questions a Black person's patriotism (or any person of color), what they're actually saying is "you're not a real American." Because, let's face it, a real American in this calculation is a white person. Thus, white people can criticize this country all they want, but their citizenship is not at question. But when we do it (person of color we), we're suspect. If people believe that shit than just be bold enough to say it, because pussy footing around and using coded, post-racial language is so irritating. Just say you're a xenophobic racist so people can ignore you. Oh, never mind I see why you're doing what you're doing. Damn... you crafty devils.

I just think that people need to be more aware. I find it interesting that no one in California questioned Arnold Schwarzenegger's Americanness, a man born and raised until his early 20s in another country, but they questioned Pres. Obama's. We all know why that is (race) and I'm so tired of the people who ignore that or (gasp) don't see it.

I also hate that these debates are based on the President and First Lady's rare moments of criticism of the U.S. In their minds, any person of color who dares to crticize this country does not know what it means to really be an American. Well I would like to say that criticizing our government and elected officials is exactly what being a "real" American means. So even these "birther" douchebags are Americans... unfortunately. I would also like to take this time to say that a history of oppression is the true trend in American history, so people of color (the collective majority mind you) just might have a better handle of the "American experience" than these douchebags with the signs...

Secondly, our president was born in Hawaii. When I first heard the critique I thought, "um, but it's a state..." We annexed that shit in 1896 and so totally made those islands our bitch... I mean made it our 50th state in 1959." And since our 44th president was born there two years later... what's the problem again? And then it dawned on me... Hawaii has a shitload of Asians.

In Hawaii, people of Asian and Native Hawaiian ancestry make up more than half of the entire population. And in my opinion, the whole "birther" controversy isn't just about whether or not our president is a citizen, but if Hawaii and all those Asians are American. White settlement efforts on the islands didn't come out of a vacuum.

I originally wanted Jean and I to write this entry together because I saw a near perfect union our interests (mine about African Americans and Jean about Asians) but since we're in 2 states, with a 3 hour time difference and generally lazy (stereotypes be damned!) it just didn't happen. So I solicitied her comments on the issue:

When I'm in America, i've been approached by ignorant folks who assume I'm a new
immigrant into the United States, don't really know English (until I open my
mouth), or my parents must have been new the country from the Philippines.
Being 2nd generation Filipino-American, I go to Cambodia and white
tourists think i'm a prostitute from Cambodia and ask my travel buddies how much
I am, or if I'm for sale. The stereotype I've frequently come across is
that if you are not white, or look "American", you must be a foreigner. In
the case with President Obama, the investigation went too far; and was a blatant
attack on people of color. It was a large statement of ignorance through
racist actions. If he was white, there would be no investigation of his
birthing and U.S. citizenship status. People of color are constantly
looked at through an "otherized" lens; with the option of immigrant bi-focals
(Even though Filipinos may have been here for over 400 years, there is still an
immigrant stamp on every Filipino-American). That is why, when my
grandmother asks if someone is "Americano" she doesn't just mean "American", she
means to ask if "is he full (or part) white". Or, if you have a name like
"Barack Hussein Obama II", you're immediately under suspicion of being
"non-American". That is why I want my children to have crazy
"non-American" names, unlike "Jean". Investigations like this really shows
the depth of political racism Obama has to endure as a president. It
speaks volumes of "systematic investigations" that may occur in any job, or
position that one may hold where their superior is trying to find any means
possible of firing a person of color. It harks on hatred and fear of the
idea that people of color are taking jobs away from qualified white applicants
or candidates. These investigations are a disguise for the deep seeded
racial tensions that our political system is founded on.

I've heard, and experienced. this with friends on a number of occasions and it irritates the hell out of me. We can talk about the U.S. being a plural society all we want but the truth is that we are taught to believe that unless the person is white, black (and, if we're smart enough to think about it, Native American) they're foreigners/immigrants. As Jean points out above, this completely denies the scores of Asian Americans and Mexican Americans who, because of our propensity to annex new territory and search for ever cheaper labor to exploit have been in this country for hundreds of years. That's a serious educational lapse.

From the beginning, being an "American" (don't get me started on how really anyone on this continent is an American, I guess that's another post too) has never meant white. And when it did it was a myth.

And I don't know if this post was a coherent critique of the issue so much as a rant. An "I don't understand wtf you all are talking about. None of this makes any sense so it's hard for me to make sense back"-rant.

But I'll leave you all with this little piece of hilarious clarity:

So maybe we should consider secession... or something.