...a Black girl with no ass?!... *update

So I'll admit it ::shamefaced:: I'm a black girl with no ass.

Like none... Hips (yea). Breasts (yessir). Ass (not so much).

It's a sore spot. I've considered talking with someone about it... you know... professionally. But I'm poor. And that trumps vanity in my book.

But why am I telling you all this? Well, because I've recently found out that ::gasp:: I'm on the normal side of this phenomenon (the aforementioned Black girl with no ass-itis). It could be SO much worse.

Consider

Yea, that woman said, "I don't like Black women" and "Williams is a little too Black." This is some straight up pathological shit right here. But where is it coming from?

I tend to get angry when people speak about Black self-hate as if it's the answer to a question, rather than the starting point for a million other ones.

For instance:

•  How was this woman raised? I always want to know this because personally I could never see myself saying that I don't like Black women because (well besides the fact that I am one) my mom is the shit. And while I don't love every Black woman I know, abstractly I do love all Black women. But, more importantly, I practically LOVE lots of individual Black women. The majority of the people who love me and support me are Black women and to even think of saying that I hate Black women would instantly bring these women's faces to mind and I'd feel so ashamed I wouldn't know what to do with myself. (This is also coincidentally one of the core reasons for my feminism. Women of all races have been my backbone and all of my strongest relationships are with women. It's such an important part of who I am.) The same goes for Black men. While I have much fewer instances of Black men who have been good to me in my life, the ones that have have been the most amazing, starting with my grandfather. My father is a sad excuse for a man, but my grandfather showed me what it could mean to be a good Black man. And for that reason along (though I do have many others) I have always felt a distinct love for Black men. So I wonder, what kind of life did this woman, and others like her, have that she can not make these associations? 
• Who are the people around her? I find it really strange that the woman actually has Black friends. I mean, how do you talk to someone who says "I don't like people like you, but you're cool so.."? I mean, really. Maybe I should ask some of my white friends this.... hahaha I kid I kid (sorta). No seriously, how do you have a friend like that? How do you call that person your friend? It's just... odd.
• Why does she feel that it's ok to say crazy shit like this? I think, for me, this is the most disturbing part of people who hate people of their own race/gender/sexuality. It's not that they don't like them, it's that they always abuse their "insider" position to spout hate. It's as if they feel like even though they've been alienated from other Black people (in this instance) somehow they have the inside scoop on them. Really? I always want to ask them if they don't see their alienation as maybe, maybe, a sign that they're not so cued in on Black folk. ::sigh:: It's probably no use, very few of these folk are the smartest tools in the toolbox. Or even the most useful tool. But then other people latch on to that. It's infuriating...

At the same time, there's something else going on here that isn't about hating Black folk. It's about hating yourself because you don't fit a stereotyped image of what it means to be Black. We all know this from such classically preposterous statements as "You sound white" and "You dress like a white boy" and on and on and on. But it's also at work in other ways and I think the pressure that we as a society, and community, put on Black women to look/act/dress/live a certain way is another example.

I mean seriously, who doesn't know the stereotype that Black women have big asses? What does that mean then for the Black women who don't? And how the hell do we explain, mediatakeout.com often wonders, white, Asian or Latin women with big asses. I mean that's MINDBOGGLING! Or it's racist. Whatever.

That's why in the clips above we don't just see the the Black woman (who presumably does NOT hate Black women) getting a butt job (ew), we also see Ms. Onassis/Williams ::eye roll:: getting one as well. Obviously, she can say whatever she wants about not being Black ::big ass eye roll::, but she's clearly dealing with where she fits into the realm of Blackness herself. And while I think she's an idiot (who talks funny!), on that point (and that one point) I get where she's coming from.

Because every time I look at my sad (flat) sack of an ass I have to shake myself mentally and remember that who I am, my Blackness, my awesomeness does not reside in the seat of my jeans... does not reside in the seat of my jeans!

Unfortunately I don't always believe myself...