a bit personal

subtitle: random thoughts on privilege and the trivialization of drug addiction

Last quarter I sat in a class that consistently frustrated the holy living hell out of me. Every day was a test of my ability to NOT go off on someone. But there was one day in particular that threatened to send me over the edge.

On this day we were sitting around the table and some people were chatting about whatever before class started. Somehow a few of the women started talking about rehab and the show Intervention. God only knows why or how, but one woman said something to the effect of "I don't know why I have to work when those people on that show get to go to a spa for a few weeks."

As far as I can tell she 1) was dead serious and 2) thought her comment was funny.

The first time she said it I thought I must have heard her wrong. The second time she said it, I was pissed. And the third time she damn near yelled it I was incensed because not one person said anything to contradict or correct her.

At this point, I said "When did we decide that rehab was a spa?" Granted I uttered this in a controlled voice (to keep from blasting her ass) and I wasn't involved in the original exchange so I didn't necessarily want to butt in (because I hate when people do that to me), so it wasn't that surprising that my comment went unheard or ignored. Very shortly after this the class started and the real conversation commenced and everyone moved on.

Well, everyone except me.

Since I hated this class, and couldn't stand this woman in particular, I assumed that my ire was solely because of that. But a couple weeks later a FB friend, who I definitely don't dislike but am not super close to, said that watching Intervention makes her feel thankful for what she has in her life. Even though I said something similar (but bitchier) a few years ago, I was really pissed when I read this status. And I couldn't figure out why.

Now I've realized that I was angry at my friend for seemingly echoing the same kind of pretentious holier-than-thou judgement as the woman in my class. In hindsight I realize that that is not (thankfully) what she was trying to do. Rather, I think she was saying that ANYONE could succumb to drug addiction and we who have not (or are recovered) should be thankful that we don't have to live such lonely and painful lives as those addicted to drugs. This I agree with.

But to be honest with you I'm still fuming about the other woman's comments, months later. And this is why.

One of the things that my closest friends and I commiserate with one another about is how we feel so very different from other people that we've encountered in higher education. This is especially true for my best friend and I who grew up in severely dysfunctional families (and thus think that the dysfunction is normal), have experienced repeated forms of physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse, and learned fairly early that you cannot trust people (not even those closest to you).

How does this relate to drugs?

Like this:

That woman in my class was an idiot. Either she's never seen a loved one succumb to an addiction or she has but learned nothing from it.

I have had three people close to me descend into drug addiction. For the first person, I was too young to understand what they was going through so all I learned was that I never wanted to let drugs or alcohol take over my life like that. The second person I still struggle with. Whoever they could have been is long gone and what I have in front of me is a very pale shadow of who that person once was to me. The third person broke my heart. They've overcome some of their demons but I know they struggle everyday with the underlying causes of addiction. Watching this person fall and then find a way to the other side is one of the reasons why that woman in that class angered me so.

It's damn easy to say that drug addicts and alcoholics are just bad or pathetic people who have no impulse control. It's also such an incomplete story as to be useless.

To acknowledge the kind of damage that leads some people to drugs or alcohol or self-mutilation (or any number of vices) does not absolve them of responsibility for their actions. It does, however, help to explain why rehabilitation, when taken seriously, can be so important. It's clear that the drugs are only part of the problem.

So to this woman I'd like to say what I wish I'd said in class:

"Rehab isn't a damn day spa. For some people it's a barrier between life and death. And for other people it can be the only hope that one day they will get their loved one back. It is also hard as hell. Something that's even harder than rehab: STAYING SOBER. You're ignorance is offensive. And I'd prefer it if you only spoke on subjects where you know what the hell you're talking about. And having sat in that class with you I'm pretty sure that aint much."

...Sorry, but it wouldn't be me without the snark! *shrug*

a note on used books

To the douche who owned my book before me:

It is not "Bell Hooks" and you have no idea how much I wish you hadn't written over "bell hooks" simply because you're dumb.

Also, "yuck!" is not an adequate note in the margins.

Sincerely,

A lover of used books that haven't been mangled by undergrads.

...and not a Black girl in sight... tv review

This morning I was up early, as usual, trying to be productive. I turned it to HBO On Demand (also known as my fall back tv experience) to check out a new show, How to Make It in America.

How to Make It in America is an HBO original dramedy following two young New Yorkers, Ben Epstein (Bryan Greenberg) and Cam Calderon (Victor Rasuk) who are attempting to hustle their way onto the fashion scene.

There are some interesting things happening on this show.

1. Considering the fact that I JUST had a conversation with Michelle about all of these shows with racially homogenous (read: all white) casts, I will say that How to Make It... is actually  fairly diverse. Well, they have a fairly diverse cast in the way that most shows trying to avoid charges of being racist do:

Protagonist: White
Protagonist's Sidekick: Brown
Protagonist's love interests: White (w/occasional women of color here and there)
Peripheral (nameless) casts: rainbow

So really, it's diverse... but it aint.

2. I think it's interesting to consider male characters interested in fashion. Doesn't happen often. I'm intrigued.

3. Bryan Greenberg... Whatever, I love that dude. I sat through 2 awkward, albeit mildly intriguing, seasons of October Road and was sad when his character peaced out on One Tree Hill. Plus he's pretty!

What aint working (and the subject of my title)....

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SET A SHOW IN NEW YORK AND NOT HAVE EVEN JUST ONE FLY ASS FASHIONISTA BLACK GIRL W/ GUSH-WORTHY NATURAL HAIR?

I mean really...

You can't tell me they don't exist because this blog was started by a Black fashionista for other Brown fashionistas: The Fashion Bomb

So I like this show... or at least I wanna like this show but this just brought up all these issues about how Black women are far too often completely excised from popular culture. And if they are there you know who's not... Black men? This is really the same for all people of color. If there are brown men... then there's no brown women, no matter how big or small the part.

Really, this is my critique. This is ALWAYS my critique. And you can always count on me to make it.

I watch a lot of tv (it is what it is) and it's hard not to see the trend. Don't believe me? Check out some of these shows when you've got the time:

Dollhouse (canceled, but you can get that ish on Netflix)
House
CSI (all of them)
Gossip Girl
The Big Bang Theory
The Deep End
Southland
Leverage
The Closer
Secret Diary of a Call Girl
Mercy
the forgotten
Psych

or what about these shows that have no brown folk at all:

How I Met Your Mother
One Tree Hill
Desperate Housewives
Big Love
Caprica
Burn Notice
Life Unexpected
United States of Tara
Nurse Jackie (they got rid of Mo-Mo apparently....d-bags)
Smallville

and to be fair... these shows are the exception:

Grey's Anatomy
Private Practice
The Wire (but it's over and I'm still sad)
NUMB3RS
Cold Case

But at the end of the day (or really the beginning of the day in the case), the pilot episode wasn't great, the second epi was interesting enough and I'm willing to add it to my tv-watching agenda.

But I'll always be salty as hell until there's a Black girl on the scene. And hopefully one who looks something like THIS.