...crazy cat lady snaps back...

I've got a cat (refer to previous post). She's funny and moody and sometimes needy. It's nice to have a companion. I wish she would eat more. I like her.

Here's what I don't like:

Every time I tell people about my cat I get one clear warning: "Just don't get too many." Some people have said this to be funny. It's not. Some have said this in all seriousness. It's not that deep. They are all essentially saying the exact same thing: "Just don't get too many because you'll become the crazy cat lady." This implied statement is a few things: annoying, needless and cliched. But it is also two very important things: sexist and possibly homophobic.

In defense of my friends I don't think that they're trying to be any of these things. Nevertheless they are. So let's handle the issues.

First, when I say possibly homophobic I mean this specific to my situation. I don't think that every person who forewarns their friend not to become a "crazy cat lady" is also warning off homosexuality. It's just my friends... well mostly some family members. I think that because I don't date/am celibate/am not currently falling all over my cute next door neighbor/random guy at club etc, a lot of people in my life have always been slightly worried that I am gay... gasp. In fact one college friend greets me every time I see him with "you aint dating no women? you aint gay are you?" *sigh* So for these people who have felt this fear about me at one time or another, the fact that I adopted a cat was yet another check in the "she's gonna come out someday" pile... They feel like they've figured me out and they're a little worried at the revelation.

Apparently cats make people think spinster-living alone with my special "friend" Margaret and our brood of kittens/rescued feral strays etc.

Here's the funny thing. A lot of the people who've said this to me have or want to get dogs. Lesbians don't like dogs all of a sudden? (Ellen would beg to differ.) Why is it that certain pets carry specific stigmas... sexism!

There is no "crazy cat man," the weird cat obsession to which my friends are afraid I will fall is only for the ladies! [Side note: There are stereotypes that a man with (too many) cats is gay, generally effeminate, mentally disabled, a momma's boy, stunted, whatever.] In this dynamic if I get too many cats it will mean my eventual seclusion from society (and with my already spotty record...), I'll let myself go physically (I assume they mean mumus and wild hair), a general sour attitude (have these people ever met me?) and most worrisome... that I'll end up alone.

There won't be a husband to come home to, kids to get off to school in the morning, weekend soccer games, ballet rehearsals. There'll just be me, my cats and the ten o'clock news. Again, I think this comes from a place of well-intentioned concern that is... rude. It also makes me wonder how well these people know me.

Some facts: The probability of me getting married is about on par with peace on earth. I've already said that I want to adopt at least one child after 30 (partner or no), so if you think you're a feminist and haven't considered this possibility... I would reconsider. I hate the tv news. And, lastly, if I have a cat I won't be alone.

So here's what I'm advocating. If your fear is that I'll be alone for the rest of my life. Say that. It will warm my heart and I'll love you more. It will not, however, change how I live my life because I've found that one way to stave off an unhappy existence is to do what makes you happy. What I've done for the last 6 years or so has made me happy (even grad school).

If your fear is that I'm gay and in the closet. Say that. I'll almost certainly call you a homophobe for considering homosexuality something to worry about. But I'm open to listening to you defend yourself. But I will, as a warning, always look at you a little bit differently. And after that, if you're interested, I'll tell you that I'm straight. I've met a number of very nice lesbians over the years who've made me slightly sad that I'm not gay. And if I needed to be in a relationship so bad I would have made some concessions along the way. I have not however, which supports my grand point:

I'm happy. Single or otherwise. If I never get married, I'll still be happy. If I never have children, I'll still be happy. (Have you seen my nieces and nephew?!) If I end up in a house with a bunch of cats, I'll still be happy. Mostly because I will have made these decisions based on what I want and need, not on what anyone else thinks I should be doing.

So if you love me, please meet Kat.


She makes me happy. Support that, just as I try to support what makes you feel the same...