...and not a Black girl in sight... tv review

This morning I was up early, as usual, trying to be productive. I turned it to HBO On Demand (also known as my fall back tv experience) to check out a new show, How to Make It in America.

How to Make It in America is an HBO original dramedy following two young New Yorkers, Ben Epstein (Bryan Greenberg) and Cam Calderon (Victor Rasuk) who are attempting to hustle their way onto the fashion scene.

There are some interesting things happening on this show.

1. Considering the fact that I JUST had a conversation with Michelle about all of these shows with racially homogenous (read: all white) casts, I will say that How to Make It... is actually  fairly diverse. Well, they have a fairly diverse cast in the way that most shows trying to avoid charges of being racist do:

Protagonist: White
Protagonist's Sidekick: Brown
Protagonist's love interests: White (w/occasional women of color here and there)
Peripheral (nameless) casts: rainbow

So really, it's diverse... but it aint.

2. I think it's interesting to consider male characters interested in fashion. Doesn't happen often. I'm intrigued.

3. Bryan Greenberg... Whatever, I love that dude. I sat through 2 awkward, albeit mildly intriguing, seasons of October Road and was sad when his character peaced out on One Tree Hill. Plus he's pretty!

What aint working (and the subject of my title)....

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SET A SHOW IN NEW YORK AND NOT HAVE EVEN JUST ONE FLY ASS FASHIONISTA BLACK GIRL W/ GUSH-WORTHY NATURAL HAIR?

I mean really...

You can't tell me they don't exist because this blog was started by a Black fashionista for other Brown fashionistas: The Fashion Bomb

So I like this show... or at least I wanna like this show but this just brought up all these issues about how Black women are far too often completely excised from popular culture. And if they are there you know who's not... Black men? This is really the same for all people of color. If there are brown men... then there's no brown women, no matter how big or small the part.

Really, this is my critique. This is ALWAYS my critique. And you can always count on me to make it.

I watch a lot of tv (it is what it is) and it's hard not to see the trend. Don't believe me? Check out some of these shows when you've got the time:

Dollhouse (canceled, but you can get that ish on Netflix)
House
CSI (all of them)
Gossip Girl
The Big Bang Theory
The Deep End
Southland
Leverage
The Closer
Secret Diary of a Call Girl
Mercy
the forgotten
Psych

or what about these shows that have no brown folk at all:

How I Met Your Mother
One Tree Hill
Desperate Housewives
Big Love
Caprica
Burn Notice
Life Unexpected
United States of Tara
Nurse Jackie (they got rid of Mo-Mo apparently....d-bags)
Smallville

and to be fair... these shows are the exception:

Grey's Anatomy
Private Practice
The Wire (but it's over and I'm still sad)
NUMB3RS
Cold Case

But at the end of the day (or really the beginning of the day in the case), the pilot episode wasn't great, the second epi was interesting enough and I'm willing to add it to my tv-watching agenda.

But I'll always be salty as hell until there's a Black girl on the scene. And hopefully one who looks something like THIS.

Something New... again.

I was just going to ignore this video because... ugh, I am not in the mood for yet another rant about Black women not being able to find a partner. Not only have I heard it all before (and agree with a good portion of it), but, since no one is offering any useful solutions to the problem, my patience has worn beyond thin. Also, when I heard that Steve Harvey was acting as "expert" in this clip... hell nah!

Unfortunately, since I spend way too much time on the internet, I've been coming across this video at every turn. And that is annoying. So to hopefully exorcise this demon let me share my thoughts...

But first, the clip:



Ok, first, and most inconsequentially, how weird were those Black figure things to represent all Black men? Awkward. :-/

But seriously, there was so little new in this clip that I could have written this post without it. Or maybe I already wrote it when Something New came out and everybody and they mama had the conversation about the 42.4% (Did the statistics change? Is it now an even 42%? SUCCESS!). Whatever.

So seriously, what the fuck is going on here? Oh yea... the same thing that's been going on for the past decade or so:

A lot of Black women have never been married (and may never get married).
There aren't enough good Black men.
You could try a white man, but you'd obviously prefer a Black man.
I'm successful and fine, I just don't get it.
blahblahblah

It's the same story that every Black woman I know, including myself, has at one time or other recited with varying levels of annoyance/anger/heartache.

But what all of the stories on this topic lack are solutions. Tell me something I can use or keep it moving.

So maybe I should be happy because the piece above tried to offer some... I just thought they were dumb. Let me explain:

"Black women don't have to settle, but they may need to compromise."

I've heard this a number of times, but I was possibly most irritated here because Steve Harvey couldn't offer anything more than petty examples of Black women's standards being too high; money, education. These have been the big two in the attempt to explain the numbers of highly educated Black single women. But I'm starting to believe that they're possibly the least important. For instance, children. How many relationships have broken up because the two people had different ideas about children (when to have kids, how many, being financially able to support them, children from previous relationships)? It seems that finding a partner who had the same ideas about family would be slightly more important than his level of education. Or what about geography. If your high-powered job is on the East Coast and his is in the South, will you commute? Can you afford to commute? Is that the kind of life you want to live? Again, when and how should Black women compromise on these issues Mr. Harvey?

"Go for the older man."

That's the best advice you have Steve Harvey?... MASSIVE FAIL! What.The.Fuck? No seriously, how does this operate as a solution? Let's go back to the question of children. I'm 26 and if I decide to have biological children with a man I want someone who will be a partner. I don't want a man who will be so old (no offense, seriously) that he can't play with us at the park, can't take turns getting up at all hours of the night to feed/change/rock a crying baby etc. And this I am not willing to compromise on, because if I have a child with someone too old to really be a parent the same way that I would want to, why have children with someone else at all if I'd essentially be a single parent? That makes no sense. So, no Steve, that is not a real solution.

"It's not that they can't find someone to date, the issue is exclusivity."

This, I think, was the most interesting discussion of the whole piece (7 mins... really!?). It's interesting to think that there are women out there who are doing "all of the right things": dating, making themselves available, "keeping themselves up" (whatever the fuck that means) but they still can't get a ring. The women in the video talked about the "backpocket woman" (the one men save for later when they're ready to stop whoring around). This is so beyond trifling it hurts. And how annoying would that be if a man had the nerve to call you every few years just to make sure "you're still single... waiting for me." GAG!

With that sad I'm beginning to wonder (this is obvious sarcasm) that maybe people should start doing stories on (Black) men who don't want to settle down (with Black women). Seriously. Maybe it's time we stopped blaming Black women for being single and start really, critically, thinking about what leads to those circumstances.

"I would love to be in a relationship, a marriage... but I don't feel that that defines me."

And maybe, just maybe, we should stop equating women's happiness (regardless of race) with the presence of a man in their lives. Maybe, just maybe, there are a boatload of women who are just happy single and will be just fine if they never get married. And maybe, just maybe, there are lots of women who never want to get married at all. In that case, maybe we should stop fucking up those women's days by making them another kind of stereotypical statistic.

Stop... think about it.

*P.S.- Check out The Black Snob's discussion of the same clip here. 
*P.S.S.- I really am still thinking about a post on interracial relationships, but I've been swamped. C'est la vie...

...a Black girl with no ass?!... *update

So I'll admit it ::shamefaced:: I'm a black girl with no ass.

Like none... Hips (yea). Breasts (yessir). Ass (not so much).

It's a sore spot. I've considered talking with someone about it... you know... professionally. But I'm poor. And that trumps vanity in my book.

But why am I telling you all this? Well, because I've recently found out that ::gasp:: I'm on the normal side of this phenomenon (the aforementioned Black girl with no ass-itis). It could be SO much worse.

Consider

Yea, that woman said, "I don't like Black women" and "Williams is a little too Black." This is some straight up pathological shit right here. But where is it coming from?

I tend to get angry when people speak about Black self-hate as if it's the answer to a question, rather than the starting point for a million other ones.

For instance:

•  How was this woman raised? I always want to know this because personally I could never see myself saying that I don't like Black women because (well besides the fact that I am one) my mom is the shit. And while I don't love every Black woman I know, abstractly I do love all Black women. But, more importantly, I practically LOVE lots of individual Black women. The majority of the people who love me and support me are Black women and to even think of saying that I hate Black women would instantly bring these women's faces to mind and I'd feel so ashamed I wouldn't know what to do with myself. (This is also coincidentally one of the core reasons for my feminism. Women of all races have been my backbone and all of my strongest relationships are with women. It's such an important part of who I am.) The same goes for Black men. While I have much fewer instances of Black men who have been good to me in my life, the ones that have have been the most amazing, starting with my grandfather. My father is a sad excuse for a man, but my grandfather showed me what it could mean to be a good Black man. And for that reason along (though I do have many others) I have always felt a distinct love for Black men. So I wonder, what kind of life did this woman, and others like her, have that she can not make these associations? 
• Who are the people around her? I find it really strange that the woman actually has Black friends. I mean, how do you talk to someone who says "I don't like people like you, but you're cool so.."? I mean, really. Maybe I should ask some of my white friends this.... hahaha I kid I kid (sorta). No seriously, how do you have a friend like that? How do you call that person your friend? It's just... odd.
• Why does she feel that it's ok to say crazy shit like this? I think, for me, this is the most disturbing part of people who hate people of their own race/gender/sexuality. It's not that they don't like them, it's that they always abuse their "insider" position to spout hate. It's as if they feel like even though they've been alienated from other Black people (in this instance) somehow they have the inside scoop on them. Really? I always want to ask them if they don't see their alienation as maybe, maybe, a sign that they're not so cued in on Black folk. ::sigh:: It's probably no use, very few of these folk are the smartest tools in the toolbox. Or even the most useful tool. But then other people latch on to that. It's infuriating...

At the same time, there's something else going on here that isn't about hating Black folk. It's about hating yourself because you don't fit a stereotyped image of what it means to be Black. We all know this from such classically preposterous statements as "You sound white" and "You dress like a white boy" and on and on and on. But it's also at work in other ways and I think the pressure that we as a society, and community, put on Black women to look/act/dress/live a certain way is another example.

I mean seriously, who doesn't know the stereotype that Black women have big asses? What does that mean then for the Black women who don't? And how the hell do we explain, mediatakeout.com often wonders, white, Asian or Latin women with big asses. I mean that's MINDBOGGLING! Or it's racist. Whatever.

That's why in the clips above we don't just see the the Black woman (who presumably does NOT hate Black women) getting a butt job (ew), we also see Ms. Onassis/Williams ::eye roll:: getting one as well. Obviously, she can say whatever she wants about not being Black ::big ass eye roll::, but she's clearly dealing with where she fits into the realm of Blackness herself. And while I think she's an idiot (who talks funny!), on that point (and that one point) I get where she's coming from.

Because every time I look at my sad (flat) sack of an ass I have to shake myself mentally and remember that who I am, my Blackness, my awesomeness does not reside in the seat of my jeans... does not reside in the seat of my jeans!

Unfortunately I don't always believe myself...

...everybody loves a (part) Black girl...

So, Jean's whole yelp situation has me (re-) riled up about something that I didn't notice until I started spending a considerable amount of time online in forums and other community-based websites. Namely that... people are fucking crazy, racist, misogynist, homophobic cowards.

Now wait, hear me out. Maybe you're taking what I said in a way that I don't mean or... naw, you've probably got it right. It is pretty straight forward. So let me explain.

One of my favorite websites is IMDB. I'm a self-professed couch potato who LOVES tv. More often than not I'd rather be at home watching tv than doing say... well damn near everything. I don't feel bad about it, so let's move on. I go on IMDB to check out the casts to my favorites shows and movies, see what things my favorite actors are in, etc. Eventually I started posting on their forums (for shows and actors). They're a great information resource for spoilers and little known facts supplied by other nerdy tv geeks like myself. It was heaven. Well at least until I started noticing a disturbing trend.

On virtually every forum for a Black actress there's always that one douche who says something like, "(insert actress name here) is so beautiful. What's she mixed with because she can't be full-Black?" Or, as I like to translate: "I'm super racist and have all of these repressed feelings about totally loving Black women but you know Americans hate Black people so if someone could please just tell me that this girl is like half-Mexican or half-white, hell I'll even take that she's got a great tan so that I can repress all this angst that I'm feeling, you'd totally make my day."

At first I really didn't think that much about these comments because, coincidentally enough, the first time I read it I was looking at Halle Berry's forum and she's mixed. I just thought "what rock has this dude been living under? doesn't everyone know she's half-white?" But then it got a bit... hinky when I started running into it everywhere. I saw it on Freema Agyeman's page (half-Iranian), Salli Richardson-Whitfield's page (part-NA), Megalyn Echikunwoke's page (half-white), Rashida Jone's page (half-white) and Jessica Szohr (lots of stuff) but again all of these actresses are mixed so I got irritated, but kept it moving. (There's also this very strange tendency for some posters to put in part-Asian actresses' bios a detailed breakdown of their racial mixture and link them with other, completely unrelated, mixed-Asian actors that was so weird, but seems to have been cleared up in the last few months.) But when I stumbled on this lovely thread on Freema's page I became even more sensitive to it elsewhere.

The Freema thread is really important because you can tell that for certain people this had been building up and everyone, on both sides of the issue, responded from a place of frustration. Some of the comments were valid (on both sides) and some made me think that these people were dumb as rocks. But in the end I agree with the idea that continually asking about these women's mixed-status was yet another way to denigrate Black women and racist as all hell.

I also think that some people's defense of themselves was... pathetic and akin to saying "I'm not a racist, my best friend is Black." For instance, the OP's comment that he didn't mean what he said in a racist way, he just had a preference for middle-eastern women and knowing that Freema was part-Iranian cleared some things up for him... *side eye*

I'm sorry I just can't. I know other people attacked him for the racism, but can I just get on him about how stupid he sounds? I don't believe not one person who tells me that they only find certain kinds of people attractive. What sense does that make? Now you can say that you tend to only date women who have dark hair, tan skin and green eyes. Hell that's a preference, but does that mean that you wouldn't find a blonde woman with pale skin and blue eyes attractive. Hell nah! So why is it that when it comes to Black women, especially, so many men say some dumb shit like "I've never been attracted to Black women before but Naomi Campbell/Halle Berry/Beyonce is hot." What are they single-celled organisms? Humans are (allegedly) more complex than that.

Fucking idiots. Now back to the racism...

I see it on boards in lots of other ways too. For instance, staying on the Freema train for a moment (I love her!), in last year's BBC production of Little Dorritt people went ape shit because she was cast. Little Dorritt is Dicken's book about... hell I don't know, I just saw the movie, it's on my reading list... Whatever, check out it's wikipedia page. Anyway, all the hubub was because some people did not believe that Freema, as a Black person, should have been cast to play a white character. They also felt that this liberal trend in BBC productions to create casts for these period pieces that look more reflective of modern England was at least annoying (some people have termed it racist, certainly without fully understanding what the word means). But I mean, it wasn't the multi-culti version of Cinderella. At least the cast made some sense. But shit, even if it didn't who gives a shit. I care about the story and the acting. I don't give a shit what race the person is. And this has been happening on stage for forever... get over it!

I sort of jumped into the debate because, as a Freema fan, who thoroughly enjoyed the production, I didn't see the point in griping about casting a peripheral character, not meant to be blood related to any of the main characters, as Black. What's the harm in that? I think I know what it is, but I'll save that for a bit later.

Essentially what I'm saying about the anonymity of the internet is that it exposes a lot about how we think about race. I've pondered these websites every time someone says that racism doesn't exist. Or that we're not a racist country. It's utter bullshit. We're all racist. Those idiots who have to know that these Black women aren't all Black are racist. As am I, and others like me, who have to say "no, you can't take them away from us." And granted I'm biased that what I'm saying, while wrong, is for the right reasons, essentially that you won't deny these women's black identity simply because you're uncomfortable, doesn't mean that I'm not in some way inflicting a similar kind of damage by doing what I've done throughout this blog. Black is not their only racial identity and since I don't know how they choose to primarily identify I don't have the right to decide for them. I fight against this all the time for my nieces. People who don't know them don't have the right to classify them as mixed when their primary form of identity is Black. (Granted they're kids so they really don't know or care, but considering some interesting things that happened after MJ's death I'm pretty sure where they stand on the spectrum at the moment.)

But this kind of BS also reveals something else. Essentially, people feel damn free to say any and everything they want on the internet. That sort of anonymity allows people (of all races) to spout some of the most racist, misogynist generally depraved shit I have ever read. I don't know how many times someone's posted a link on facebook about something race-related with the express warning to either ignore the comments or read the comments for entertainment. Or how many times I've decided that reading any more of a certain thread would drive me insane. Or these douches who felt no qualms about resorting to blatantly racist and sexist stereotypes about Asian women when talking about the (sad? pathetic? weird?) plight of "The Hipster Grifter." These are the things that people would certainly never say in public, but with the cover of their keyboard they have at it.

I think that people spend way too much time talking about how a PC culture is destroying our society and how "you can't say anything anymore" but not enough time, if any, talking about when you can say certain things and through what medium. It isn't a surprise that people who have no idea that white supremacist groups are alive and well, if not even more dangerous than in the past, don't understand the full extent of the internet as a conduit of sharing ideas. Do a quick google search on white supremacist groups (being careful of course) and you'll turn up a slew of articles about how groups in the States are connecting with one another and with European counterparts through email, websites, etc. They're not gone. They're hiding in plain fucking site!

But this is an extreme example. To turn back to what started this whole fiasco, let's look at the random everyday people who want to know if their favorite Black actress is really Black. Implicit in their queries is a (racist) fear that they would actually find a Black person attractive. And while this seems simple, it's really not. Because they're afraid that if they find this "full-Black" Black woman attractive then that makes them someone who could say ask that Black girl sitting next to them in Soc class out for a movie. Or someone who could one day have (part) Black children. Or someone who would have to call their parents out for saying the n-word or their friend for sending that blatantly racist email. Essentially, there's the fear that they would have to become someone who thinks about race in a more present way than most white people ever do. (gasp!)

At the same time these people are worried that if their tv-crush is Black then it means that they have become somehow less white. This is definitely what was happening with the whole Little Dorritt situation. One Black character "infected" Dicken's "authentic" story of an England before Black folk. For these people there is a white story (that they would just call a story) and story for people of color. So in a modern setting there are places for Black, Brown... whoever. (At this point I'd like to point out that Dicken's story isn't authentic because there have been Black people in England at least since Queen Elizabeth I and Asians have been in England since the 5th century or so). But still these idiots think that us melanin-blessed folks should be kept in their place. So there will never be a Black Mr. Darcy or an Asian Captain Wentworth. Hell maybe it doesn't even have anything to do with time. I mean, did anyone else notice the storm when Pierce Brosnan recommended Colin Salmon as the next James Bond... geesh. This is just as problematic as racial zoning in housing, hiring based on racial preference, etc. because it says that, contrary to popular beliefs, we have very strict raced understandings of our world that manifest in decidedly racist terms.

I'm just saying that even if people are smart enough to keep these sorts of things under wraps in face to face encounters. They surely don't do this online. So if you want to know the places where I think people will learn racism in these next few generations. It's not on TV or in books. It's online and at home.

So when my nieces ask me to watch cartoons I say yea. But when they're old enough to ask me to use my computer, I'll explore it with them.